I'll take "Words That Start With an S for 500," please

Squinchy? Swirly? Squirmy?

I don’t know how to title it, where it came from, or why it feels like this…

I’ve got absolutely nothing to complain about. I’m in my kinda place right now: a local, artsy coffee shop. Jesus lovers. Great music. Thinking people. A church meeting place. An art gallery of photography from Haiti. And I’m pretty sure this cup I’m sipping coffee from will be immediately recycled to restore the pearly gates through which all green people will enter Heaven.

But I’m painfully aware of a deep-down discomfort in me today. Perhaps some of it has been gleaned from the hurting and lonely faces I’ve seen amidst holiday hustle and bustle. Perhaps some of it is being homesick – for Africa, for Lifa, and for a place I’ve never known.

What I do know is that I’m calling out on my Jesus to hold me today.

Love feels broken.

I’ve been asking God why love has to feel so broken. Why do we let some people in and not others? Why are there different degrees of love? Family? Home? Belonging? Who decides them? How do we set this invisible criteria we live according to, each person walking around with our own unspoken law?

It’s so uncomfortable to meet all of my own criteria and try to meet others.

It’s time for a new criteria.

A new kind of comfort. A comfort that works even when love feels so broken.

I have a feeling love is going to stay broken…

Whether I’m in America or South Africa.

It’s just a hunch, really.

So I’ve started asking Jesus what He has to say about love in 2011.

Jesus, break me for broken love – in a way that doesn’t look for fixing. In a way that purifies and cleanses the broken. The kind of love that touches the lepers, the orphaned, the widowed, the sick. Even if they don’t get fixed. Even if I don’t get fixed.

And forgive me for this criteria I carry around.

How do I release expectations?

How do I release sadness?

Then He started talking…

Kacy, my Beloved, broken love is sad. But it’s still love and it’s real love.

1 Corinthians 13. Paul’s words were about what perfect love is, reminding us that this is the criteria, but to leave wiggle room for broken pieces for a little while longer.

“…but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears…

Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I show know fully, even as I am fully known.” 1 Corinthians 13:10,12 (NIV)

Perfection is coming. It’s just not here yet.

“But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.” 1 Corinthians 13:13 (The Message)

Love extravagantly.

“Go after a life of love as if your life depended on it—because it does.”

1 Corinthians 14:1a (The Message)

After the shiny gifts are unwrapped, Dick Clark drops the ball and this coffee cup’s been recycled…. It all disappears.

Love remains. It’s broken today, but you tell us to “follow the way to love” (1 Corinthians 14:1a again… this time NIV)

Jesus, show me the way to love. Show me how to follow the way with no expectations, check lists or self-defined disappointment.

I’ll feel the sadness. Broken love is sad. Put my hands, heart, words and all of me into what’s broken. And help me to live by faith, clinging to the hope of what’s coming… perfection.

Inscribe Your words in my heart, so, when it hurts, I’ll remember it’s not for no reason.

“We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may be also revealed in our body… For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.”

1 Corinthians 4:10, 17 (NIV)

He has a lot to say about love in 2011.

Even the broken, bendy, hurty kind of love. I’d rather be broken by broken love than know no love at all.

He’s reminding me now that the perfect part we do have is His Spirit in us, lavishing us with new grace and mercies every morning, washing away our blemishes and broken places and making us white as snow with every sunrise. So even when the broken doesn’t go away, we have Perfect Love in us.

And every word He gives us about what’s broken comes with a promise. A promise of perfection, hope and the right kind of love.

“In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33b (NIV)

The thing is…

It’s been done. Perfect love came to earth and got broken. We broke it. We broke him. And then perfect, broken love said, “It is finished.” John 19:30 (NIV) And promised, “…I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy.” John 15:23b (NIV)

So, there you have it.

Squinchy? Swirly? Squirmy?

It’s not going anywhere in me for a while.

Homesick for His Kingdom.

My Home.

Where there are no bends or bruises in love.

Where no one’s sick. No one’s hurt. There’s always enough for everyone. 

Where everyone belongs in the Perfect Family.

But the squinchy, swirly and squirmy is being met with a promise of peace, joy and perfect love.

In 2011, Jesus has a lot to say about love.

Love that strips away expectations, criteria and loves through the broken.

Jesus, write a new definition of love for me in 2011.

What’s Jesus saying about love in your 2011?

He’s a Family Man. He’s probably saying the same thing to us all. Let’s do it together.

My bendy, broken self loves you. And I’m giving thanks for the ways you've been love in my life in 2010 - in every shape and form it came in. I can’t wait to do 2011 with you.

Happy New Year!

Christmas Stories

I love stories.

I love this time of year when we get to tell, hear and share the story of a baby who came into the world and changed everything.

I love being here, in Texas, as so many parts and people in my stories are coming together and showing me over and over again how faithful God is in His big story.

God sent me to Africa to be a voice for families. And here in Texas, I'm reminded with countless hugs, kisses, dance parties, and those priceless "I know you" moments that the reason He chose me for that is because I've been taught family so well. He taught me through my people.

LONG awaited playtime with Ella and Mia!

And an equally long-awaited kiss from my Mona.

Cathy Brown on the drums, everyone.

You have become a part of my story - one that means so much to me and one that I feel so deeply with every interaction. Thank you for choosing to expand the Family of God. Thank you for knowing the details of my part of the story that happens in South Africa.

My stories coming together. Rich and Lynn from Africa with me, Galveston and my church. 

One of the most precious and treasured parts of my story is turning three this month. His name is Lifa. Most of you have heard ALL about him. Over and over again. He's such a big part of my story and part of God's story for His Kingdom.

I've seen visiting missionaries from around the world hold Lifa and experience God's love or remember something Jesus once said about the least of these. (Matt 25) 


I've seen his community, Mbonisweni, respond to the way Lifa's learned how to be loved and feel secure in the consistency of our relationship. 


I've seen our church in Mbonisweni be awakened by seeing the actively flowing power and strength of families choosing to love one another despite reason or cultural differences - and wanting to be a part of something bigger than themselves because of it.

I've experienced more transformation and love than I realized from my relationship with that little boy, until I got to the States and shared our story and our moments.

And now I'm inviting you into our story in another way to pray with us.

I called the family Lifa stays with in Mbonisweni to check on him and they told me his dad had come to pick him up. He has a once-a-month drop-in dad. He works far from where Lifa stays, and will pop in for very short increments of time randomly.

Lifa's granny is sick and wanted to see him. So they picked him up. And we don't know if or when he's coming back.

In South Africa, cell phone airtime is very expensive, so it's uncommon to call and keep up with the whereabouts of a child who's with another parent. You just wait until they come back.

I've called his dad a few times, even conferenced call with the help of my brother Lennon to help translate, but we've had no luck.

My heart is hurting. It's the unknown part.

Lennon told me he thinks Lifa's father is working, and Lifa will be staying with a new girlfriend. I'm Lifa's primary attachment. And I left. Now he's with a new family in a new environment.

And December in South Africa can be a dangerous month. Children are on holiday and it's a free-for-all month. Christmas isn't a holy and revered holiday there, it's an excuse for a nonstop party, holding nothing back.


I have no idea what kind of environment Lifa is in right now. 

And so many other children in South African this month. Without school, there are more hungry mouths. And in December, more money is being spent on parties.

As we gather together around platters of holiday food, let's remember to pray for children who aren't getting their one guaranteed meal from school this month.

As we celebrate the warm and fuzzy feelings of families coming together and Christmas cheer, let's take a moment to feel for the least of these, whose families are celebrating dangerously rather than joyfully.

As we remember the Son of Man coming from His perfect Heavenly throne, born to a single mom in a barn, so that He could feel all the brokenness and bring light and redemption to it, let's trust in and cling to the hope and the light that shines like that bright star in every broken family and broken situation - like Lifa's right now. 

'Tis the season for real celebration - for the manger and the Man who felt it all so we wouldn't have to do this alone. Because I couldn't do this alone. 

Look for the blessings, the promises, the hope and the provision you're surrounded with the Christmas season and celebrate them enough for those who haven't been taught or haven't experienced the real reason for the season yet.

Happy Holidays! I love you! 

Thank you for praying with me!

Persons, places and things... Oh My!

I'm Here! I'm Here!

I've been back in the States for a week now, spending time in California with my mom and friends from the two years I spent in LA while studying at Fuller Theological Seminary. It's been a perfect transition place before heading back to Texas... TOMORROW! (see pics below!)

I've hopped around from place to place and person to person since my arrival, surprised every time at the waves and degrees of feeling known that have washed over me in moments, memories, hugs and conversations. God truly has given me family so many times and in so many ways.

God truly has pieced my story together perfectly. 
Incredibly. Beautifully. Lovingly. Extravagantly.
And I want to be a part of His story in that same way. 
Incredibly. Beautifully. Lovingly. Extravagantly. 

Through visiting parts of my story, He spoke to parts of me I didn't even realize I needed to connect with. He inspired me and reminded me of the intricate ways He fashioned me.

For the next two months, I'll be revisiting the people and places that shaped my story. that encouraged, inspired and spoke into who I am. The adjectives, nouns and conjunctions of Christ's story in me.

My people and my moments matter so much to Him and to me. He's given me an undeserved favor in connecting my worlds and showing me how well and how deeply He knows me, even when I've tried to run in opposite directions.

My everyday nouns - my people, places and things - are on the other side of the world, in South Africa.

My daily life looks a lot different from everyone else's here, in America.

But it's all part of the same story. 

The Bible is a book of stories that all tell one big story: One of grace, salvation, adoption and love.

Jesus walked around with his friends telling stories with the same moral: We belong in the Kingdom of God, and it's worth all it costs.

My head and my heart are still swimming with jet lag, San Diego sand, woo woo coffee, the right side of the road and all of the people and places that have made a profound impact in my story - just in California alone!

But today I am clinging to my anchor and the deep-down understanding that we were all created to be His most delighting and perfectly-chosen nouns, adjectives and conjunctions into the Greatest Love Story. 

I am overwhelmed and confident in the belief that I've been given such a gift and unique opportunity...

It's conjunction time, people!

I want to tell YOU all about my nouns. YOU who have shaped, inspired me and YOU who will.

We've all been invited into the same Big Story. The same family.
All of us. All around the world. It's time to connect the dots... to connect the parts of His story and get the whole family around the dinner table together.

I want to be a conjunction for the nouns in South Africa who've become my family to those of you who taught and are teaching me family in the States. I'm amazed at how well you do family already, and can't wait to see it happen around the world, all together.

I'm celebrating all the parts of my story coming together for the next two months. And awaiting the day we all come together for the biggest, Most Glorious Story.

Your Kingdom Come, Lord... 

The parentheses: 
(To work out details on story-swapping, hugging or joining in this story through becoming part of my support team, please email me at kacychaffin@gmail.com. I CAN'T WAIT!)

A few of the memories and moments I've experienced this week....

Rosa! I'm home! Gimme a kiss!

My first new friend turned out to be a South African pastor coming to visit Fuller! He gave the best hug ever.

What else would you do when you've been on a plane for two days?

Reunited with Lily!

Santa Monica Ferris Wheel - I've missed this beautiful scenery!

Back at Fuller. The view of campus from the library with Drea. 

Local coffee shops. My personal little piece of heaven.